Tips for Communicating with Someone with Dementia

Talking with someone with memory loss or dementia can be many things - challenging, frustrating, or even enjoyable.  They might keep repeating themselves, talking about the past as if it were the present, be unable to find the words they want, have trouble remembering or understanding what you are saying or even recalling what they want to say.  

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Their memory challenges are part of their diagnosis, not intentional. While you can't control their memory, you can manage your responses to make communication easier for both of you.

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Below are some tips to keep in mind when communicating with a person who has dementia. 

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• Keep sentences short, simple, and clear. You don’t want to cause confusion or overwhelm the person. 

  • State tasks in the singular and use clear language.  Say “Put on your coat” and not “Get your coat and let’s go to the car.”

  • Engage in shorter, more frequent conversations to maintain attention and focus.

  • Rephrase statements using different words if they seem to be having difficulty understanding you. 

 

• Keep questions simple and limit the options.  

  • Ask yes or no questions instead of open-ended questions.  For example, ask “Would you like some water?” rather than “What would you like to drink?”

  • Use statements instead of questions.  Instead of asking “Would you like dinner?” say “Let’s have dinner.” 

  • Ask one question at a time and wait for the response. Don't ask several questions in a row.

 

• Allow extra time for comprehension and for the person to respond. Don’t rush them. 

  • Don't complete their thought when they have trouble remembering a word. Give them a chance to recall it.

 

• Avoid asking them if they “remember” an event, conversation, or person. Don’t remind them that they forgot something as this may only upset them.

  • Rephrase it as a statement  such as “I remember when…” 

 

• Avoid arguing, confronting, fact-checking, or questioning them.  

  • Don’t try to use reason or logic. Go with the flow of the conversation. 

  • Agree with them and treat every statement as if it were true, even when it isn't.  

  • Try to redirect the conversation to another topic or distract them with an activity to reduce their anxiety. 

  • Accept the blame when they feel something is wrong or assign the fault to a third-party. 

  • Leave the room to avoid confrontation, or if you need to take a break from the conversation. 

 

• Limit distractions so that they can pay attention to you and not what’s going on around them.

  •  Stay present and focused on the conversation; avoid multi-tasking.

  •  Try to limit movement and stay still during the conversation.

  • Limit distractions such as a TV or music in the background, children playing, or others talking.

 

• Acknowledge their feelings and look for non-verbal cues. 

  • Respond to the feelings rather than the words.

  • Listen and be open to the person’s concerns.

 

• Make eye contact and sit at eye level so they can see you speaking to them. 

  • Don’t speak if you are standing behind them or somewhere they cannot see you. 

 

• Use nonverbal cues.

  • Point to items or use pictures if your loved one doesn’t seem to understand the words.

 

• Use people’s names instead of relationships when referring to them.  Say “Sue” or “Your sister Sue”  instead of “Your sister”.

 

• Try your best to be patient, cheerful, respectful, and reassuring. Your loved one may pick up on your mood and react accordingly.

 

And remember to never take it personally and that no one is perfect.  There will always be times when we lose our patience or accidentally say something we didn’t mean to say.  Just like we learn to forgive someone with dementia, we need to forgive ourselves for these slips.