When Caregiving Divides: Tips for Siblings Navigating Parental Care

When tensions run high, the emotional weight of caregiving can quickly spill into family conflict. Left unaddressed, this discord can deepen resentment, fracture sibling bonds, and increase the stress on the caregiver who is already stretched thin. Data shows that:

90% of families have one sibling who shoulders more, if not most, of caregiving for a parent.

46% say that their relationships with their siblings have deteriorated as a result. 

Why Siblings Clash Over Caregiving

1. Family History and Dynamics

Caregiving often reawakens long-dormant family roles and childhood dynamics. For many siblings, this is the first time in years they’ve had to collaborate closely. Old rivalries, unspoken resentments, buried emotions, and parental favoritism can bubble to the surface. Sometimes, a parent may unintentionally fuel this regression by favoring the child least involved ,while projecting their anger at their loss of independence onto the one who provides the most support.  

2. Uneven Division of Responsibilities

It’s common for one sibling to become the primary caregiver, often because they live closer, seem to have less work or family obligations, or are perceived as better suited for the role. But over time, this imbalance can breed frustration. The caregiver may feel resentment, while others may feel left out, accused, or even criticized from afar.

3. Different Perspectives and Beliefs

Siblings don’t always agree on what their parent needs. Some may be in denial about the severity of the situation, while others may disagree on treatments, care plans, or end-of-life decisions due to differing values or personal beliefs. These mismatched views can lead to frequent misunderstandings or outright disputes.

4. Financial Tensions

Money is often one of the most divisive topics in caregiving. If siblings have unequal financial means, paying for care can stir up feelings of guilt, resentment, or suspicion. One sibling may worry about shrinking inheritance, while another may feel unappreciated for contributing more financially. Even generous gestures can be misinterpreted as showing off or overstepping.

How Families Can Avoid These Common Pitfalls

1. Keep the Parent at the Center

Make sure the parent’s wishes remain the guiding force. Encourage them to document their preferences early—about medical care, finances, and end-of-life decisions—and communicate their wishes clearly to everyone involved. Focus on the present, not past family grievances.

2. Communicate Early and Often

Regular, open conversations are key. Keep everyone in the loop, even if they’re not nearby. Be honest about emotions and expectations, and practice active listening. Acknowledge each sibling’s emotional and financial reality, and approach discussions with empathy.

3. Share the Load

No two siblings will contribute the same way, but everyone can contribute in some way. Respect differing abilities and schedules. Ask for help when it is needed, and express appreciation when it's given. Collaboration, not perfection, is the goal.

4. Get Outside Help When Needed

If tensions escalate, don’t wait for things to spiral out of control. A facilitated family meeting led by a social worker, therapist, or mediator can create space for each voice to be heard and help the family develop a plan together.

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Mellie offers a streamlined way to coordinate caregiving and keep all family members aligned. From communication tools to care planning, Mellie helps reduce misunderstandings and ease the burden.  

Contact us to learn how Mellie can support your caregiving journey.