I Don't Want Help: Refusing to Accept Help
There can be many reasons why someone doesn't see the need to bring additional care into the home. Commonly this is due to denial - denial that they need assistance and that they are no longer independent. However, if the person has dementia or cognitive impairment then the changes in their brain can result in a lack of insight.
Below are some methods for introducing care into your loved one’s life:
Be supportive and calm during the conversation.
Listen to their reasons and address any fears they raise.
Recognize that what they are feeling is real to them.
Avoid confrontation and listing the reasons they need care.
Focus on one step at a time.
Break down the larger issue into smaller ones.
Getting them to accept any level of help is a win. Over time you can increase the support.
Turn the focus away from them.
Frame the issue as needing support for yourself or another caregiver. They may be more willing to allow help in the home if the help is for you, not them.
Agree that they don’t need help, but that you would feel better if there was more support.
Let them know that their doctor or another respected person in their life is asking them to do this.
Let them know that this action is actually helping someone else - a friend who needs a job or a program that could use them as a “volunteer.”
Say that it is temporary.
Ask them to try it for a period of time and let them know they can always stop.
A “temporary” situation may last for years.
Identify what is important to them and adapt it to this situation.
What motivated them in the past to change their mind?
Is there something they enjoy that they stopped doing? Could they continue to do this with some assistance?
Introduce tools, such as reminder clocks, that can help make their daily life easier so that they can manager independently.
Use words that appeal to your loved one. For example, “companion” or “assistant” instead of “caregiver.”